Finally the season is here, the time to be jolly and happy, to forgive and forget, to share joy with your beloved ones, to pray and ask for forgiveness, to free your soul and remember that it’s little Jesus’ birthday! Euuh, at least that’s what I’ve been told this season’s about and I just wish any of us is doing the above or feeling Christmassy at all. Everyone is fooling us with statuses such as “YEY it’s Christmas time”, “Dear Santa, let me explain”, “Feeling so Christmassy” or even worst “Dear Santa, I want him for Christmas” so on… Seriously now, are you for real? If so, then I envy you big time! I remember when I was younger, this used to be my favorite time ever. There’re no words (nor statuses) to describe what I used to feel during this time, even the smell at Christmas would bring out memories that I never wish to forget! There used to be a glimpse of serenity and peacefulness that doesn’t exist anymore! No, it’s not that I stopped believing in Santa, nor because I grew up and my beliefs have changed, I believe Christmas didn’t change, we did.
So Christmas is almost here, what are we doing about it? Nagging of course, and it’s totally normal! Instead of the peace and calmness the season ought to bring with it, mess is taking over! Lebanese people are so damn angry, annoyed and furious all the time! Whether you’re at your office, driving or simply Christmas shopping something will eventually annoy you and mess up your day no matter what. At work, you bust you’re a** and work like a pig, you put up with stress, daily, which leave you with physical and emotional harmfulness… and not that you get paid what you deserve anyway.
In your car, you try to enjoy Christmas’ lightless decoration (since the electricity is always-absent), you try to enjoy Christmas songs playing on the radio all day long. Sadly, you don’t succeed since enjoying the ride no longer has its significance! How the hell would you enjoy the ride when you live in a country where citizens drive worse than Chinese people! Seriously, have you ever survived a day without cursing at minimum EVERYONE?! I haven’t! Whenever you’re driving behind a taxi driver you know your day is about to get spoiled! They pull over whenever they feel like it, without warning, because we’re psyches and we should know better! Motorcycle drivers are even worse; they are the surprise factor on the road. They come out of nowhere in all directions with a ‘ya rab tigui fi 3inou’ drive style and what’s amusing in all this is that if by any chance they crash into you (most likely they will), you take the blame (yea, oneof our very rational Lebanese laws). The traffic policeman will save the day for you. NOT! Mostly his job is to embrace the sky; I think they hire them according to how much of ‘a dreamer’ they are! During Christmas time, surviving your way back home is a bit trickier since everyone living abroad comes to celebrate in Lebanon which causes traffic jam that leads to constant anger! It’s not as if people are waiting for traffic to get irritated, yesterday I was driving home from Zouk and I witnessed such a sad event. Two Lebanese men decided to park in the middle of the road and fight each other! I can imagine it going like this:
X: MOVE IT ALREADY YOU SON OF THE @@#@$#$%#@#!! Are you a retard!?
Y: Chill dude, it’s Christmas!
X: If you don’t move in 2 seconds I’ll bring OUT EASTER YOU PEACE OF @#$#%$%^^%!!!
(Caps for the intense tone)
3, 2, 1 Live WWE show!
Surviving traffic, taxis and motorcycles, it’s time for some Christmas shopping. Yes, it’s a must, you have to get gifts for the whole family and exhaust your mind and feet until you find the one thing that would please them most! But that’s not the problem, the problem is when you get to a mall and it takes you an hour to park! At first you’re still fine and cool. But after surfing the mall’s parking ten times, you’re facial expressions will start to change, I promise, then you lose faith and question the reason of your existence, then it hits you: F*ck MALLS! You’re already angry; you park and go inside (finally).
The saleswoman: (All Cheery) how can I help you?
X: Where’s the scarves section?
The saleswoman: Oh, you’re looking for a scarf?
X: That’s that I said.
The saleswoman: Do you have a color in mind?
X: No, that’s why I need to see them, if you could tell me where to find them and spare me some time.
The saleswoman: Wouldn’t you be interested in some perfumes?
X: NO!! Never mind I’ll find it myself.
The saleswoman: (All jolly) But we have our special Christmas offer for you, now you can get two perfumes of your choice in only 2200$! (Miraculously everything gets expensive on Christmas)
Yea, she got on your nerves and NO, when you’re angry you will not tolerate stupidity.dot.
X: I hate you, I hate scarves, I hate Christmas and I hate perfumes!!!
Feeling guilty for taking it on the poor saleswoman who’s only trying to do her job, you head back to your car to find a jerk who has blocked your escape because apparently he got tired of spinning the parking a thousand times or simply because he’s a JERK, and you’re like “yes please, jump right into my nightmare, the water is already warm”! That’s when you wish Santa exists just to spare you Christmas shopping and do you the honor of shopping for you!!!
Other than that, you have to go along with constant family gatherings throughout the season where you need to spread those fake smiles because telling someone in their face: “Zip it will you, and stop complimenting me, I’ve been told your bored mouth can’t stop gossiping about me” is socially unacceptable. Then you sit for dinner (the best part of the gathering). Suddenly, out of nowhere someone decides to whine about the season with the ‘Rez2allah’ speech and you’re like “Can you postpone that please, I’m about to lose my appetite”! Or worst, when the entire family gets a curious rush about your private life, it goes like this:
X: Sweety, ‘ne2sha3ik 3arous’ next year!
Y: Oh Thanks.
X: So tell us, who’s the lucky guy you nasty.
Y: Ah no, I’m not dating!!
X: (Considering it a joke) Oh come on tell us, don’t be shy!
Y: Seriously Aunty, I’m single and proud, time will come when I’ll come!
(Silence takes over, and everyone starts giving you the look that says ’te3tire 3annasit’!
Yes by now, you do lose your appetite. Totally.
So, that’s the jovial spirit we indulge in, here in Lebanon. I used to think that if one person among you is feeling Christmassy, it will spread among the group. I changed my mind, if I’m surrounded by someonewho’s constantly jolly all the time, I would probably knock them down. Out of jealousy, I admit. For those who are not feeling the spirit of Christmas, take my advice, I don’t use it anyway; do forgive and forget, being angry at somebody for your whole life will not harm anyone but yourself. Whether you’re single, in a relationship or married, try to make use of the jolliness, in any possible way. Last but not least, I wish you one thing and onething only, and that is ‘peace of mind’ because when you have that, you have it all. I wish people would surrogate anger into tranquility. I wish our country would improve for the best, financially and governmentally and since I’m wishing for the impossible I’ll take the initiative and go for ‘world peace’ as well.
You only live once and you are what you wish to be; Seek happiness and it will come about!
Oh Oh OH, almost forgot: Merry Chaos-ness everybody!