Dear Heart, It’s All In Your Head.

I hate to break the concept of love for you people, and before you jump into conclusions and hit me with “obviously you’ve never been in love” assumptions, I must state that I’ve been ‘in love’ or whatever they call it; I’ve suffered its pain and I’ve cherished its enjoyment! But, I never entirely gave in to that feeling only because my brain didn’t let me! I’m not trying to shock peoples’ expectations, nor get smart on you nor sound aggressive regarding a subject that concerns everyone. But unless you’re a reasonable person you will never identify with the message I’ll be trying to convey here! I know some people will totally agree with me and relate to this topic without an effort. I’m about to share my own interpretation regarding the what they call ‘love‘ and maybe, just maybe, after reading this article you will realize how sometimes, you tend to mess up yourself and your life just because you forgot to use your brain.

People love on different levels. There are those who live their life hanging on to a partner that doesn’t love them back, just because they would rather suffer within the relationship instead of facing a life of the unknown. They are stuck in the what I call  “ridiculous love” which might sometimes kill its victims. Literally.

Others choose to be alone or maybe in some relationship where they give it zero efforts and priority since they are aware of the fact that it’s better to control feelings instead of letting loose . At the end of the day their heart won’t be in threat nor broken, their life will go on whether the relationship lasts or not. They move on in search of another partner to temporary or permanently “fill that gap”.

I know I tend to write about relationships as if I’m an expert in this field, I also know it’s shocking to learn that I haven’t had one healthy relationship since God knows how long. Call me traditional, call me a retard but I do know how relationships function. I refuse to tolerate mistreatments, I refuse to tolerate stupidity, I refuse to let anyone insult my intelligence. I’ve had my fun but I’m always aware of the fact that once you put your heart out there, you’ll be willing to watch it getting smashed. Regardless of the stories I’ve been hearing, reading or told about, I do certainly believe that the heart is always at risk when you no longer have control over your brain. Whether we admit it or not, every human being is selfish, it’s always all about the ‘ME’. Even when you’re in the phase of ‘head over heels in love’ it’s because whatever is happening is giving ‘You’ satisfaction, making ‘You’ feel special, adding something to ‘Your’ life.
I do admit that at some point I crave for the ‘idea of love’, but personally I think I’m cursed with the over thinking disease. I question everything around me, every act every move every word said… Every little and big thing. It’s not because I don’t trust people, it’s because I have a certain uncommon way of thinking. Long time ago, I heard an expression that got stuck in my head and I’ve been living it ever since I gained sense of this world: “The brain orders the heart to beat”.

Scientifically proven and unlike all the bullshit about the heart being the source of life, the brain is the  center of everything. It’s what differentiates us from animals and objects. It leads our life and makes our choices and it can also mislead us if we take for granted the fact that “WE” control it. The heart is an organ, similar to all organs in the body; I’m not saying it’s useless, you need it of course but you need to tell your brain that this organ does not control you.
Let me be clearer.

For instance, you’re in a dark room, the brain starts to accumulate thoughts that someone might be in the room with you and that you’re physically in danger, this creates the reaction of fear in the brain which orders the heart to beat fast ending up paralyzing your body.
Get it? Yes, when you think you’re in love, it’s the brain accumulating all these thoughts of ‘the idea of love‘ and convincing itself that this is it, this is what you’re experiencing. Since we’ve been told that once you‘re in love the heart will beat, it automatically does. it’s only because the brain had saved those ideas in its unconscious, it’s what the brain had been told and you order it to react to that sort of reflex. It doesn’t happen out of nowhere and unlike what they tend to tell us:” you can’t describe it”… there you go I just did. Think about it now, how many times have you let yourself down just because you gave the wrong order or you simply forgot that you’re in charge of that order? How many times have you let yourself be mistreated and neglected?

 

While people call it ‘love‘ I refer to it as ‘an obsession’. Allow me to define  this word: An obsession is a powerful state of mind that controls the process within the brain. Why? Because what you’re obsessing about will be the only thing your brain’s exploring. There will be nothing else to elaborate except those images and thoughts you’ve been feeding it with. The brain is like your stomach the more you feed it the more it will ask for more. You start feeding your brain with ideas about the person you’re with, the things you like and dislike about them, the things you wish to do with them in the future… maybe you even get married in your mind! The brain saves those ideas and it becomes a daily habit to explore them.  Similar to the fact that you wake up and know that you need to brush your teeth without doing an effort to remember that, the brain explores the person of your creation and you wake up thinking about him/her. It becomes a habit, a habit that grows to be an obsession.
The obsession of what they call ‘love‘ has levels, and its levels depend on how much you have produced images in your brain and nourished them. If your life doesn’t comprise many events, the obsession will grow bigger because there’s nothing to keep you busy from imagining and building images.
Thus, those who are constantly busy don’t have time to give love all the time and the efforts as they wish to, and maybe not ‘love‘ at all. It’s about what you’re keeping yourself busy doing. I hear some people complaining that he/she doesn’t love back the same way they do, and I know it’s because one has more things to dwell on. Their brain has more than one fraction to explore, while the other person has packed up their brain with their partner.

It’s neither conjuring nor magic when two people break up and go on with their lives forgetting about each other, even if their relationship lasted 10 years. It’s totally normal. The brain has accumulated new images new thoughts, it depends on how much you’re willing to accept the fact that it’s time to move on and let go of your pointless obsession.

However, an obsession can cause dilemma and mess up your psyche, only when you’re no longer in control of what you’re thinking (not what you’re feeling, because I think I’ve cleared this point already). The brain eventually will control your moves when you surrender to it, because disappointments are tiring and at some point you lose faith and give up!
So, when you think your life just ended because he/she broke up with you or  it turned out they’ve been lying and pretending to love you all those years, and before you diagnose us yourself with depression, explore those ideas in your brain and control them. You can get over anyone the second you decide to. Everyone is tough, even the weak ones are strong but choose to be weak (Drama seekers) because the world has messed it up for us. When you’re referred to as a weak person many times, the brain will believe and save it and you live with that thought and accept it.

My advice to you is the following:
Keep reminding yourself of who you are and what you deserve. When you think you’re not good enough, remind yourself that you are! Don’t let anyone analyze you and don’t analyze anyone in return. No one really knows what’s going on in your life so shush anyone whenever they try and interfere because it’s your business and yours only. Control your brain by controlling your thoughts, crave for the person you want to be and you will achieve anything you wish to! Life is tricky and events are beyond expectations; one day you’re on top of the world the next day you wish to drawn and never breathe again. When you know that there’s always a brighter day ahead of you, you will survive any given circumstance and keep hoping and wishing for that day to come.
Live your life knowing that there’s always something that you haven’t seen, done or experienced yet. Something good, something exceptional. Don’t stop and look back. You can erase your past if you’re smart enough and it won’t affect you or your future ever again. You control yourself, never forget that. Be strong and live it right.

Marguerite Rahal

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9 Comments

  1. Bernard says:

    You are defying all the ancient and present poets here :P
    Well I totally support your theory and live with it!! let’s hope most people do!

  2. Imane says:

    So true Marguerite!!! I totally agree.
    Btw I like the scientific review.

  3. stephanie says:

    Waaawww!!!!! Amazing job marguerite

  4. Elie says:

    Long live Margo :P (y)

  5. leya says:

    great job!!! b 3a2id :D :D

  6. Rabih says:

    Hi Marguerite, perhaps it is more a kind of harmony between brain and it`s ordered “heart”! Many of your conclusions relies on psychological factors but also manipulating in this direction “I follow my heart, I land in the grave” The answer NO, unless somebody is wondering “If I eat my make-up, will it enhance my Inner Beauty?”

  7. @Rabih Believe it or not, I didn’t even bother look up my scientific readings, or else I would’ve mentioned my references . As I said, it’s my own interpretation of what people refer to as ‘love’. It’s one personal analysis and not generalized; people can either agree with me or not. Nevertheless, my message is clear and it doesn’t intend “stay single and ignore the other gender” but rather “follow your heart but take your brain with you”.

  8. stephanie b says:

    wise marge ! :-) always follow your heart but take your brain with you … keep it up xoxx

  9. Carole says:

    I have 2 words for ya: Serotonin and Dopamine :) ) simple chemical reactions which happen in the brain and create all this love illusion for us.

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